So the other day I finally met my mother’s neighbor. She is an Italian New Yorker that has been studying astrology for over 40 years and can basically tell you everything about yourself as soon as she knows your birthday. She talks rapidly and she is unstoppable while talking. Here is our conversation:
Witch- When was your birthday?
Me- September 29
Witch- Ahhh, a Libra! You love all things beautiful, which means you hate my voice!
Me- Haha, okay. (Fuck, I hate her voice. She sounds like a freaking trail mix of stereotypes.)
Witch- You like all things beautiful. Flowers or furniture or paintings or whatever, you like it.
Me- I only have beautiful friends. Does that mean that I am shallow?
Witch- Haha, probably. You’re also brilliant. Kathy, do you know your son here is brilliant?
Kathy- Yeah, I have known his whole life.
Me- Pffft! I’ll prove you wrong on that one.
Witch- And you are a problem-solver. Anything you put in front of yourself that interests you, you can figure it out. Same thing with hobbies. If you pick up an instrument or craft or anything you can be perfect at it in no time as long as it holds your attention. You can pretty much do anything you want, but there is something weird about you.
Me- No shit?
Witch- I mean, it isn’t that you are weird. It is just that you are the kind of person that can pick up a book, read 100 pages out of it, then throw it away if you find that it has become stupid or boring. That is weird. No normal person does that, but you do. Some people think, “Well, I may as well finish it since I paid for it already and started it.” You think, “Screw this. I would rather not waste anymore time on something that I don’t enjoy when I could be reading another book or doing anything else in my life.” That’s a big part of your personality. Whatever interests you at the moment, you can be brilliant at, but eventually you will get bored with it and move on to something else. (At this point I spaced-out because she basically just kept repeating herself. I think that proves her point.)
Me- Haha, yeah… You got me there.
Witch- Another thing is that you absolutely can’t stand stupid people.
Me- Loathe them.
Witch- You can sit down and teach someone else something that you know about, but if they don’t get it then you will just say, “Fuck them.” You can’t stand stupid people or incompetent people. They are the only thing that you can really get mad at. You love animals. That’s mostly because you expect them to be stupid. You get along better with animals than with people. Now lets talk about your love life.
Me- Oh God, here it comes.
Witch- You like “different” people. Strange people.
Me- Wait a sec… Like a woman with an eye in the center of her forehead or a parapalegic or something?
Witch- No, I don’t mean that exactly. I mean, they just happen to be different from you or from your friends. They don’t always have to be different from their looks.
Me- They don’t?
Witch- No, they could just act strange or out of the ordinary. You like that. You gravitate towards a mate that is just different. They could simply be someone that is in a different culture from you.
Me- Score.
Witch- Something interesting about you is that you can feel comfortable in any culture. You could move anywhere and pick up the culture and way of life very easily. Some people can’t stand a big change like that, but you could do it. You should live in a big city like New York.
Me- No fucking way.
Witch- No, you would be good there. Tons of cultures everywhere. Lots of people.
Me- But don’t I hate stupid people? Big cities just have more stupid people than small cities.
Witch- That’s not what I mean.
Me- I don’t believe you.
Witch- Whatever, you would just be better there. Do you know what the scales for a Libra do?
Me- … Weigh things?
Witch- No, they represent balance. It doesn’t mean that you are balanced, but instead it means that your entire life is about you trying to balance everything. You are trying to constantly find something to do that can balance you. You are searching for the perfect balance of happiness and interest and love and everything.
This is basically when I stopped talking to her because she was annoying me. Here is more about my birthday that I find interesting and slightly strange, considering how others may see me.
http://www.astrology-online.com/libra.htm
